A Father's Responsibility: Instilling Values

Something was bothering her. We have a great relationship, but she just wouldn't seem to open up and share with me what was bothering her so. Then last night, I called her over to me. She laid her head on my chest as every daddy loves to feel his daughter do. She said, "Dad?" "Yeah buddy," I replied. (Buddy is my little nickname for her.) "Can I talk to you before I go to bed?" "Sure," I replied. Her eyes teared up, and she began to tell me that some of the girls at school had been being mean to her and she was feeling picked on. She said that her friends were all breaking up into little groups and that the girls were starting to be mean to the girls who were not in their groups. In fact, they had even labeled their groups - the "cool" group and the "weird" group. My daughter asked me why they had to do that. As she was crying she asked, "Why can't we all just be friends. I don't like to see people being mean."

My heart as a father was breaking. Working with teenagers, I know all too well the world of cliques, and in my studies I have discovered that there is quite a consensus that 4th grade is the crucial grade during which so many kids lock into their identities and affinity groups. My daughter is in fourth grade, and even before this year began I told my wife that this was going to be a critical year for us to be watching for signs and listening very closely to the things our daughter was picking up and being exposed to.

I won't go into all of the details, but these girls who had been such good friends, now, in the second half of the school year are beginning to demonstrate the thing that I hate with a passion ... cliques. Cliques are defined by their exclusivity. Hardly a week goes by at youth group that I do not bring up the importance of inclusiveness and that exclusivity has no place in the life of a Christ-follower. Cliques are fellowship (something beautiful that God created and desires for us) gone bad.

What blessed me so much is that this value which I not only try to talk about, but live out in my own life and model for my family, is being embraced by my children. Last night at the end of our talk, I invited my daughter to pray for her friends and to ask God for the courage and wisdom to do the right thing to bring an end to this thing before these girls get it so ingrained in their character that I have to deal with it for years to come when they are teenagers. Her prayer was absolutely beautiful and mature beyond her years. I was so blessed when she said, "Jesus, please help us to be inclusive and not break up into groups and be mean to one another. Help us show Jesus to one another."

It was a holy moment, and one that I will never forget as a father. I am so proud of my daughter and the beautiful young woman of God that she is and is becoming.